Viper Says

"Never lost never will" - Denny Crane We will always remember these magical words. Boston Legal has ended. It almost feels like an era has ended. I cried. I grew so close to the characters. Boy it was fun to see these people in a very intelligent and humorous series. It was by far the bestest series on the TV and also the most relevant. Reality was never so enjoyable. The show had many high points. It had THE best dialogues i have ever heard. They are so subtle and are an innate part of the series. Next is ofcourse the self righteousness of each characters. It is perhaps the only series where the people are shown so normal and yet so eccentric. One episode you love Sack and the other you hate him like anything. Denny is the best. He is sexist, racist and every kind of "ist" imaginable. He is pro war and pro bush. What a character he is. Schmidt is intelligent, cunning, shrewd and sometimes a bitch. I completely agree with Denny she is the most beautiful woman i have...

Tandoori nights was a name of a indian sitcom about an indian family settled in london. But the reason why i have chosen this as a title is completely different story. It takes balls to eat half a tandoori chicken and 1 full chilly chicken coupled with a chicken soup. PETA can sue me for the chicken genocide. I wont mind because i have been to heaven after eating so much of chicken. The way tandoori chicken melted in my mouth- oh boy just reminiscing about it is giving me a hard on. Boy that feeling is so orgasmic. I had multiple orgasms one after the another. Tandoori chicken can give viagra manufacturers a run for their money. My god, i am still feeling the after orgasm bliss. If somebody comes through that door wanting to shoot me i will have just two words for him "Kill Me!!". I am totally overwhelmed by the dedication of the chef and the chicken who are solely responsible for the blessings that my intestines are showering on me. I feel like i am on cloud no.9 surrounded ...

Setting: Steven's Den. Steven is working on his body for the new look for the next episode. Anya is stretching out on the recliner and watching a romantic movie. She and Al have been going out for a few days now. Ofcourse Steven is not aware of the fact -  so Anya thinks. Steven knows everything.  here we go... Jasper comes in and whispers something in Steven's ear Jasper:[whispering]shhoo shiiii shaa alllshaa hshhsissss Steven:[frustrated, Slaps Jasper] Wat shoo shooo shii shii...speak clearly Jasper:[giving steven the LOOK, People say when Jasper gives the LOOK......well nobody cares] Anya and Aleyandro are going out. Steven:[Height of frustration, he is holding a 10pound dumble and throws at Jasper killing him]Faaak... Anya: [crying at the happy ending] Beautiful...oh that's so cute.. Steven: [grabs anya's hair and pulls her down]U faaaking beatch....U betrayed me..... Anya:[gives steven a low blow, but to her surprise steven is unmoved] Steven:Surprised!!! Anya: Wat...

Without sounding any more critical i will name the series that are a must watch. The list is not exhaustive but it sure covers up the majority of american TV industry after the late 90s. 1. Boston Legal 2. 24 3. Heroes 4. Prison Break 5. Big Bang Theory 6. Stargate SG-1 7. Lost 8. Friends 9. Sienfield 10. Hustle (The british one..the one with Mickey Bricks) 11. John Doe(can't believe it was shelved) 12. Southpark (undoubtedly the darkest comedy i have ever seen) will add more as soon as something is worthy enough to be on the list...

Setting: Aleyandro and Dimitri are sitting on a broken tree trunk called "trunks" besides a river called "riverside". These two have gone through a lot which have tested their patience and friendship and how much shit they can take from each other. [ On the sincere request of Aleyandro we are not going to make him go through the name changing regime in this episode. His name for all further references in this episode is Antonio Bartolini or simply Bartolini. I promise he will return next time in a confused state. ] here we go... Bartolini: [ keeping his hand over Ds hand ] Man we have gone thru a lot... Dimitri: eww...take off ur hand...dont ever do that again...Dont touch me... Bartolini: [ taking his hand away. In the mind of his hand: boy that skin is so soft..hmmm... ]Hey man we are Braadre Paruuush..(subtitles: brothers in arms) BHAMM!!!!!!BOOM!!!Bim!!!! At this critical juncture with all the sound works enters our protagonists's nemesis - STEVEN. he is sur...

Setting: Alejandro and Dimitri in their apartment cooling off the heat from their last adventure - Steven Seige's.  Alejandro:[ Confused as to what to call himself. This time he is thinking of changing his name to Abbassi Fawal. He wants to sound like a person who mean business. ] Dimitri: [ Fed up with name syndrome of Alejandro ] Alejandro/ Abbassi Fawal is still smitten by the Anya charm and is singing a song or trying to sing a song. So come along. [ boy!! i should give up writing stories and think of seriously getting into writing sonnets and hiakus ] here we go... Alejandro: hmm..hmm..hmmm.... [ no hez not doing wat u think hez doing. Hez just clearing his throat. ] Alejandro: hmm...hmm...hmmm...... Dimitri: [ in his mind: There goes the crooner again. Wish i could put a gag in his mouth ] Alejandro:hmmm....ehmmm...ehmmm.... Dimitri: Stop doing that al...for faaak sake stop doing that... Alejandro: [ looks surprised ] You talkin to me ho...the name is Fawal..Abbasssi Fawal......

Prelogue: 1 2 3 4 hu ha....1 2 3 4 hu ha....1 2 3 4 hu ha....tak tak tak tak ta...na na na nah... Dont get tensed for this is not morse code and nor does this require a willing suspension of disbelief to witness the horrors that Dimitri is going through. For this is not Steven's sound synthesizer. Behold the horrors that i am forced to unleash upon you.  This is the tune to which Alejandro is belly dancing. [A moment of insight into the character's character. Alejandro loves belly dancing.] Dimitri is the only one to have witnessed this horror of fat mass of Fats swaying to the tunes of Arabian Music. oooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww....there the singer is howling.  [Arabs can only howl or moan. These are the only sounds they can make.--Source Alejandro] As i was saying that only Dimitri is seeing this because he is the only one alive and who will survive. People say when Alejandro belly dances dark clouds surround that place and blow it up with their supercharged lighteners. Pe...

Location: the 'thermonuclear trans-semi-ponder-ducer facilty of advanced neo-meta particulation phenomena'..better known as W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R. Time: late..really late Alejandro and Dmitri are standing outside the gates of 'you know what'. a titanium grill runs along the perimeter of of the facility. Apparently, the people inside do not want people on the outside to enter. they could ve used a door for that purpose..but a door is no match for Alejandro and Dmitri..who are trained to destroy. On this occasion, Steven - the evil architect of the local matrix, and the opposer of Subway, has held Master Po captive. The facilty is under 'Steven's Seige' and Alejandro's and dmitri's mission is to rtetrieve it and get master Po to safety. Alejandro : ill ella elle mcpherson Dmitri: ill ull dum heidi klum Alejandro: what do we zoo dmitri Dmitri: we zoo nothing you fool. remember the instructions..they be watchin us. at this moment Dmitri looked at Alejandro, pu...

Setting: Aleyandro: [ again confused by what to call himself. This time he is taking the easy way out. He is going by the name "Nameless" ] He is confused warrior who just recently killed 3 hot assassins.  Dimitri: The wannabe king who wanted to unite the whole of Chink land for simple reason that his twinky likes the pale yellow chinks.  3 haat assassins: Deadly lil miho!!thats what people call them when they see them. But the legend says that nobody has seen them. So they have to be called miho. But anyways they are deadly this also goes by the legend. Their lethality is yet to be seen by naked eyes. They say none live to tell the tortourous stories of they were deprived of the carnal pleasures. Set: A large castle. Its in a bad shape because me and steven are struggling writers and can't afford to have a brand new castle for aleyandro and dimitri to play kingpin. A bunch of wrinkled old chinese are standing next to Dimitri to give him their piece of mind. [ These wrink...

10 30 pm : Aleyandro and dmitri on a ducati blackbird B-12- Aleyandro driving and Dmitri pillion- aleyandro is singing a Rihanna song 'good girl gone bad'.. Dmitri's eyes are glazed..he has just joined the league of transformers (dmitri's transforms to a doormat!). They are heading for 'the subway' where aleyandro has formed powerful allies in his attempt to subjugate the sandwich eating realm of humanity. Aleyandro  (smtimes also known as haani salaam or salaami paan) : "easy for a good girl to go bad..eating lettuce with dim sums is a diet fad" Dmitri : fuck you ho Aleyandro : well you're alredy do-eeng that. would you be a mind a.. getting baaaack a leetle beet..your caaack is alrezy puzzing againzt me arse...bollocks u sodden faggot! (aleyandro recently realised that he is part british, part jordanian, part footlong with extra mayo and double helpings of cheese) Dmitri : man im the ghostface killah..are you ready fer some mean pain. (dmitri was...

My friend Dimitri ( a proud confident, US loving, Global warming hating, Al-gore fetishing, law abiding citizen ) always complains that i dont tell stories. So here we go Dimitri only for you. If anybody has complains then please curse dimitri because he is solely responsible for putting us through this tormenting turmoil. So the characters of the story are  Alejandro( pronounced as aleyandro ): a confused person who is not happy with the name his parents had given him and recently he has aked everyone to call him Hani Slaam. Dimitri: a CIA operative who loves Al-gore. Al-gorically he hates global warming. Wait a minute..i told this before also Anya:  a russian hot beautiful woman. That's the most deadly or lethal variant of woman ever to grace the planet earth. ( in guest appearance ) and few other bunch of loosers you will become familiar with while i walk you through the story. here we go.. Dimitri: Dude i saw al-gore's daughter. She is way to hot. I wonder how al-gore plans...

[ this is a recorded conversation between alejandro and dimitry. I appologise for the sexual content and nature of the chat but i wanted to bring out the truth in its purest form. So that like all the politicians and cricketers and actors around the world these ppl dont say that they were misquoted. ] alejandro(a): paape..tunak tunak tun dimitry(d): ki karda a: kuch nahin..tu ki karda d: kuch vi nahin...bore hunda a: chenga. d: aaja...hath far mera a: main ni karda d: kaake..na na kar.. a: paape..baabe kehnde ne ki kisse da hath ni farna chahida d: oye..keda baaba kainda...ghabra na...le hath far mera a: na...paape..main ni karda... d: ki main ni karda. ik aa baabeya ne bara siyapa paya ee.. a: paape...baabe kainde ne...ainwe hi...ki balwant singh da hath na faro d: na main tenu balwant kure lagda..?le hath far a: main ni karda d: ja fer...fer na kahi dasya ni.. a: chenga.. d: chal tata...hun ta hath mila la... a: main ni karda.... [will be back wid more of their sexual adventures]

That's a multi billion dollar question that the film industries all over the world are trying to answer. Is it a bird...is it a plane..No its just another film. That is disheartening to know. I think more than the excellence of the entire movie its the small bouts of intelligence in the movies that make them excellent. For e.g. i was thinking abt Khuda Ke liye. What this movie had offered the audience that it seemed so good. To the fanatics its more than sufficient that movie is coming from Pakistan. For me it was Nasserudin Shah's 2 min act that did the job. If u see him delivering the dialogues with such uplomb and genuiness u cant help admiring him. Similarly if u see the Bicycle thieves u can't help admiring the neo-realistic approach the director and writer have taken. But for me i dont even understand what it means. I treat the scene in which the alleged thief gets a fit and policeman goes to search his house. Their meagre household generates a surprising sympathy for...

It started with bollywood people making movies on the bomb blasts aftermath. These were mere chronicles of the life of the people directly or indirectly affected by the blasts. These all movies asked a question and sent out messages of peace which though strong could not be appreciated by the ones responsible. I think the solution that wednesday provides is logical and righteous in every sense. Everyone respects the gun is an adage true to its last word. What's wrong with giving these cockroaches a taste of their medicine. This movie should be shown to every bomber that wants to wreck havoc in the lives of the common man like us. Coz once we become determine to hit back these people won;t find an inch to stand.  It;s not the humane solution but the situation right now demands an action of the order of this. Turning towards the movie that changes it all- A Wednesday is the most intelligent bollywood movie that i have ever seen. Movies like these should be made. It's time to let ...

22 years ago, on the day of equinox, for the lesser mortals 21st march, somebody spanked my ass for the very first time. The first thing my father noticed about me was that i was healthy and i have been overtly blessed with health (read fat) ever since. Being born in a family who had been in the food industry for the past 100 years, i gorged upon every delicacy that was there. Soon i grew up into a young boy ready to enter the Indian education system. I was beating the shits out of many a geniuses and i reached my 10th class. It was here when i was for the first time decieved by people close to me. They promised me that if i clear this i will lead a glorious life. I did it. And then my glorious life of studying for securing another glorious life (IIT-JEE) began. This time i was not to be fooled. I enjoyed and according to them ruined my career. I got into the most happening place of all DA-IICT-which happened to be not even recognised plus the sword of gujju reservation hanging over ou...